I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
