You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
