I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
