sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
