chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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