I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize