I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
