I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
