Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
