didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
