Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
