Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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