I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
