I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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