also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
