She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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