i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
