Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
