ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
