How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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