I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
