She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
