why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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