I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I lost the right to judge tonight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
