My balls are so social today.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
