But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
