Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
