Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
