Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
