RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
