the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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