When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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