just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize