next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
