I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
