Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
