thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
