Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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