DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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