Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
