you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
