even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
