Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
