We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
