So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
please don't ironically join a cult
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