Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize