just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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