So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize