How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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