brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
