I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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