the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
