the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
