Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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