my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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