Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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