like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
