In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
