dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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