im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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