just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
