I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
