"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
