So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize