Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
two words...techno handjob
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
