I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
