Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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