Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
