I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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