the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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