I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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