He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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