am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
