Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
