I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
