Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
