You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
