he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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