so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mom said you looked used
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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