After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
tell me about the eggs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
