Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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