these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
