If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize