She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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