it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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