just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wear drunk well.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
