help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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