I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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