Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
soo... how was my night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
