Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So apparently I’m into choking now
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