your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
