went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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