According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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