i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
