if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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