I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
