I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
