Just fell off a train. Bad.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
