White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
