There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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