I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
