His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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