Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
