i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
