just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize