i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
