I wanna bring you to show and tell
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
