Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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