He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
